I’m a millenial dude (sadly—or not sadly?… “fuck ittt, we ball!”—single again) and even I felt like I benefited from this. Love the good work, keep it up!
Steph This is fantastic advice and not gender specific. The whole thing about pausing your world to make it about the other person was very relatable to me and im male. I am always looking through the lens of how the other person feels. And I don't really go out due to a lot of burnout from caring for family that then passed. When you get into a survivalist mindset it's hard to get out there and think of fun and spontaneous rather than self protection and overly cautious. Great article
As far as taking accountability, remember that guys act in the way they get rewarded for acting!
So:
instead of this: ugh billybob won’t let me know if he wants to hang out tuesday or thursday… how am i supposed to plan my week now?? i just have to sit around waiting on his response?? fml fml fml ;((
try this: **wow, billybob's lack of response is really making me think about him! Is that what I want? What guys do respond quickly, and can I turn my attention to them?**
or
instead of this: why hasn’t billybob asked me to be his girlfriend yet?? is it because i’m an unlovable swine?? or because he’s a gaslighting manipulator?? could it be both?? *cry, doomscroll, panic, hit vape.*
try this: **wow, billybob's not asking me to be his girlfriend really seems to make me crave him! Is that what I want? What guys do give me the attention and validation I want, and does that turn me off? Can I focus on someone who does give me that?**
So the "I love red flags" thing is a response to the discourse where every little minor thing has become a "red flag" or the "ick"... so one thing I would add to this is: don't let minor things turn you off.
i just wanted to say I LOOVEE HOW YOU WRITE!! its extremely charming and most of your remarks got me laughing and repeating them out loud with passion, i dont think ive ever had this much fun reading and i read A LOT! 💘
Great Gen X Gen Z Girl Dad advice!
One more tidbit—never give up your agency—use it!
Too many people give up their agency all too quickly and make themselves into a victim. Know what you want (or don’t want) and act on it accordingly.
wow thank you. the girl dad stamp of approval is a great honor.
I love your Substack. Like many other members of your generation, it gives me great hope for the future.
i have a boyfriend, but your take on dating and your mindset feels so refreshing this was such a nice read :)
i appreciate it <3
I’m a millenial dude (sadly—or not sadly?… “fuck ittt, we ball!”—single again) and even I felt like I benefited from this. Love the good work, keep it up!
lol i appreciate it 😊
Steph This is fantastic advice and not gender specific. The whole thing about pausing your world to make it about the other person was very relatable to me and im male. I am always looking through the lens of how the other person feels. And I don't really go out due to a lot of burnout from caring for family that then passed. When you get into a survivalist mindset it's hard to get out there and think of fun and spontaneous rather than self protection and overly cautious. Great article
I love your writing! I’m 41, these tips apply to everyone.
i love to hear that! thanks so much
as someone who just threw herself back into the casual dating pool this month, i truly needed this call out post. great read, btw
how exciting! i’m happy you found my ramblings useful :)
haha fuck it we ball
Enjoyed reading this, esp. #6.
As far as taking accountability, remember that guys act in the way they get rewarded for acting!
So:
instead of this: ugh billybob won’t let me know if he wants to hang out tuesday or thursday… how am i supposed to plan my week now?? i just have to sit around waiting on his response?? fml fml fml ;((
try this: **wow, billybob's lack of response is really making me think about him! Is that what I want? What guys do respond quickly, and can I turn my attention to them?**
or
instead of this: why hasn’t billybob asked me to be his girlfriend yet?? is it because i’m an unlovable swine?? or because he’s a gaslighting manipulator?? could it be both?? *cry, doomscroll, panic, hit vape.*
try this: **wow, billybob's not asking me to be his girlfriend really seems to make me crave him! Is that what I want? What guys do give me the attention and validation I want, and does that turn me off? Can I focus on someone who does give me that?**
So the "I love red flags" thing is a response to the discourse where every little minor thing has become a "red flag" or the "ick"... so one thing I would add to this is: don't let minor things turn you off.
You’re such a good writer!!! I really enjoy anything you write
ahh i appreciate you <3 the feeling is mutual
i just wanted to say I LOOVEE HOW YOU WRITE!! its extremely charming and most of your remarks got me laughing and repeating them out loud with passion, i dont think ive ever had this much fun reading and i read A LOT! 💘
wow you are an absolute angel thank you so much for this comment ☺️🩵
i’m a dude, i’m dating, and i was laughing and loved this. respect.
lol i love to hear that