A good chunk of women are trying to make heterosexuality some kind of perversion and are purposefully making themselves hideous in every way to sabotage traditional sexuality because of new wave feminism and the not so secret belief that all heterosexual sex is rape.
It wouldn't collapse. The government would just change the tax rate. In practices taxes are effectively "forced simping" since men are on average net payers.
No, the economy was created by and for men. Believe it or not, men have more to lose if it collapsed because they invest a disproportionate amount of resources in it
Interesting, but not new. The expectation that there would be a load of young women to entertain and be entertained by was one of the perks of being a noble or "lady-in-waiting" in medieval times. Courts were packed with debutantes, whose perceived role was to learn and serve, but in among other things it was a party circuit for the noblemen, where the exact same type of behaviours went on as you describe - chivalry dictated that the interactions were supposed to be chaste, but hunting, drinking and dancing were part of the deal.
Of course, this was how most up and coming gentry girls secured noblemen husbands, but the strictly "hot girl in a party" setup was expected too, where fun was to be had.
Ultimately, where there are young rich men wanting to spend money, young hot women will be supplied to them.
My friends & I did this once in Vegas, in our twenties. Waiting to get into a mid-tier nightclub, the guy at the door looked us up & down and said “Do you girls wanna drink for free tonight?”
We were young, broke (it was the last night of our trip lol) and, admittedly, flattered — we said yes. We were led to a roped-off seating area where a group of five or six British men in their mid to late 30s waited. They were friendly and fun and honestly very respectful. One was in love with my friend and tried to convince her to stay longer, saying he would pay for her to change her flight. She declined. We did, indeed, drink for free. All night.
The only super gross part was when we needed to go to the bathroom, a bouncer walked us there…waited for us…and then walked us back to the roped-off area. Apparently we were not allowed to just wander off and have fun in the general club. Drinking for free meant we were property of the nightclub. Even at the time, I thought it was weird and off-putting.
the people replying to you are unimaginative. Ugly girls go to MTG tournaments or other spaces where the limited amount of women makes us much more competitive and desirable. Eg, an ugly girl who goes to 2600 meetups can easily date a man making over 100k a year and get him to fall in love and marry her. Or girls who live near army bases, etc, there’s a million strategies.
Heh, the proximity to military base thing is so true. Dudes will marry the first piece of tail they fall into, if they can't bag a stripper (also a bad idea).
Only if they're interested in those things (or unusually directly pragmatic about just finding SOME male partner). In my experience, most women (regardless of how they look) just aren't interested in nerdy men stuff on any level, and even if they wanted to persue it as a strategy, tend to feel intimidated just wandering alone into men's spaces to try and form one, especially when there do still exist boys and men who will try to gatekeep it.
almost every nerdy male space has women like this, it’s very common. it’s not about finding SOME male partner, by doing this, you basically get access to the best man in that space very easily. usually there’s only one woman and she’s fiercely against any other woman being in the space.
I actually did a paper in college once how nerd shops probably don't intend this, but they are spaces that specifically look unwelcoming to women. Stores that signal "women are welcome here" pay at least a little attention to aesthetics. Comic book/Warhammer/MTG shops overwhelmingly have white walls, fluorescent lighting, ugly folding tables and chairs, exposed ventilation pipes, and black or white shelving for displaying the goods. This is true even in other countries (I make a point when traveling to visit a shop for a couple foreign booster packs). The most welcoming MTG shop I ever went in had almost all these features, but they had teal accents on their walls and it is amazing what a big difference that made.
I guess in theory there are male nerds gatekeeping female nerds from nerd activities, but I sure haven't met any in person. Mostly what I've experienced is the feeling that I'm an exotic bird that the men in the shop are desperately trying to not scare away but they don't know what might offend me so they stay completely silent and give me furtive looks.
It depends on how ugly tbh. Like "plain Jane" or "plain Jane +10-20lbs" yeah sure. Being 50-100lbs overweight and smelly or looking like the rear end of a horse 🐴 .... Hell no.
you say this as if “ugly” and “nerdy” men aren’t still men at the end of the day. sometimes the ugly nerdy guys at the 2600 meetups are much more critical of women’s appearances than a club promoter lol
Sadly I think so. Unattractive women aren’t paid to be unattractive as such. My guess is you’d find them in dollar stores, gas stations, convalescent homes, the pound (as opposed to one of those pet hotels), etc.
Was in the New York nightlife scene for about 5 years, it was fun in college and while being broke at your first job, met some of my best friends and have enough crazy stories for a lifetime. Still know plenty of people in the scene but realized for myself that I felt like I was selling my soul a bit. Part of the deal in just having to sit around and look pretty is keeping your mouth shut and acting stupid. Eventually, no amount of free champagne can make you forget you’re around terrible company
It’s amazing how much of a celebrity a hot young girl is. The ultimate form of privilege. To get something similar as a man you would have to be a famous actor or rock star. A way more difficult endeavor than “don’t get fat”. I guess the only downside is the age timer.
And the psychological costs. Imagine what happens to your psychology when the world bends over backwards for you b/c of nothing you did (winning the genetic lottery). And when that starts to fade, what that feels like.
I think it’s like the “resource curse” of countries, but for people: there’s some element of important struggle necessary, which gets harder to make up later in life.
That's a really great analogy. As a 31 y/o man suddenly finding himself shooting up the mate value ladder, meeting women my age on the opposite trajectory and struggling to deal with the mental aspect of it is very common and saddening.
I originally wrote out a reply, "33 myself and experiencing lots of the same. I'll admit, I was a late bloomer with my share of rejections; it's tempting to give in to schadenfreude. But if I'm honest with myself.. were I a hot woman, I'd be no different. Empathy for their struggle is a better course of action."
And then I thought, "Maybe a beautiful woman's experience of dealing with the loss of beauty once taken for granted is the same necessary struggle to build character, just a little later in life."
Maybe the resource curse isn't such a curse after all; just a different way of getting the struggle necessary for growth.
Perhaps this explains why old people are generally wise and humble, regardless of where they come from: life tests us all eventually, and we usually overcome and grow.
Like Brendan Ross above, I disagree that it is “because of nothing you did”. If your parents were different people, you wouldn’t be you, you’d be someone else. You don’t “just happen to be” born with any given attribute, whether that is beauty or anything else; it is part of your very nature.
Other than that, I agree with your remaining points, on the unpreparedness for its possible fading (especially if proper care is not taken) and on the analogy with a national “resource curse”, which I think is a very good one.
If your parents were different people, you wouldn’t be you, you’d be someone else
Yep definitely agree!
You don’t “just happen to be” born with any given attribute, whether that is beauty or anything else; it is part of your very nature.
It strikes me that both can be true. That we aren’t us without the random chance that made us who we are, yet those things don’t actually provide meaning for us. The same way the resource curse is a curse.
Naval Ravikant says, “Your real resume is just a catalog of all your suffering… Anything you’re given doesn’t matter. You have to do hard things to create your own meaning in life.”
This seems to me an effective explanation of the concept.
I used to think that way too, when I was much younger. But I have revised my opinion. The fact that you do something productive in response to a challenging situation is itself a reflection of your innate qualities. In the quotation you provided above, I’d dispute the phrase “anything you’re given”. Of course, it feels like a gift, but in reality it is not given to you as such, it is an inseparable part of you.
I think the equivalence here as a man is being born in an ultra-rich family. You walk around with the privilege that isn’t earned by your own merits and hard to hide.
Having money doesn’t automatically open doors for you and make people want to hang out with you. It helps a lot but a hot young girl is going to turn everyone’s head the second she walks in the door just like a famous person. A rich kid has to prove he’s rich before people will notice and even then a lot of people won’t care.
The “don’t get fat” is definitely the doable part of the endeavor, which in any case is not exclusive, as the rockstar astronaut celebrity rich successful man has (and should) do too.
However, hitting the jackpot by being born with the looks can’t be gained through merit. It can only not be not put to waste
It’s merit in the same way that being born to highly educated parents who pass on not only their intellect, but their work habits, discipline and ambition. In both cases it’s raw materials plus discipline/habits to capitalize on said raw materials, although we tend to see accomplishments related to applying one’s brain as “merit”, while we see accomplishments related to applying one’s beauty as less so. To me, it’s just what “meritocracy” is: raw advantage plus discipline/work/habits.
It got me some extra time to get this: the discipline/work/habits of „meritocracy“ has just as much genetic base than the rest of it, the IQ, the looks. Plus epigenetics to steer the ship into good or bad waters…
The age timer IS the downside. And it's a rough one. Women have a superabundance of beauty for a narrow window of time. And then it's gone. We are in a new world now, with foolproof birth control and good jobs for all.
I have to say this is such a good article because you're not beating us over the head with the point. This is a genuinely fantastic display of what Substack should be, I have something to learn from your writing
I was about to quote the book. I did find it interesting how she consistently pointed out the race of every non-white person involved in her narrative.
As someone who hates clubbing, uncomfortable clothes and having to pretend to be interested in boring men, none of this sounds like a perk. This sounds like my own personal hell.
It takes a very rare person, let alone woman, to be some super-Machiavellian thinker at the age of 18-25 when the goal is much more likely to be “get drunk / high, hook up maybe, and then go back to class”.
Legally sure, but frankly to expect something out of someone naive and coddled is either setting them up for failure or some stupid libertarian take. Most people aren’t fully adults today until later on.
Many do get married (or did, I'm not on the current circuits). They can find at the very least boyfriends who will teach them some valuable industry or another. Social commerce has ever been part of the human condition. The failures: too much partying will destroy anyone, male or female. To do well in this networking one has to have some self-restraint and some bigger goals.
If you have those, making connections while having fun is a good way to live.
Got to love how crusty old dudes assume attractive (subjective!) young women are not intelligent and highly skilled or talented in an industry. Makes them feel better about themselves.
Dudes assume a beautiful woman is stupid until she opens her mouth and then they look shocked and lost as she steals the show. It is so incredibly satisfying.
My point applies to both men and women. Both can benefit from mentors, either a little further advanced in the same pursuit or very well-connected. One can of course be anti-social, angry and anti-fun and do it the hard way. That can work too.
Incidentally, there's no reason the women can't network with other women at these parties. This idea that anyone here assumes beautiful women lack intelligence is nonsense. Many beautiful women do become lazy, as so much comes to them so easily with just the slightest modicum of effort, even good grades. Don't be lazy!
Again, don't be lazy applies equally to men. There are spoiled Adonis types out there too.
Hold the phone, calm down. *You* do not get invited to be one of the men at VIP. Nor are you even at the level of the women who get invited. You are socially beneath them *all*, sweetheart.
Cringe-ingly arrogant of you to assume the women are lazy. They're not lazy; you're just clueless.
Again, the women being invited to VIP are ACCOMPLISHED and highly INTELLIGENT, HARDWORKING women. *More accomplished than you are.* It's just convenient for you to say that you are a loser just because you are not a beautiful woman. When beautiful women are graded MORE HARSHLY in school overall. Envy is a nasty and unjust thing.
The money-ed scum look specifically for that, because ruling over that is a bigger accomplishment than doing it to someone less intelligent or lazy, like you. And yes, men would have invited you if you had enough money. They don't invite you, because you are relatively poor.
"They can find at the very least boyfriends who will teach them some valuable industry or another"
While hilarious, that's just male delusion, bud. Women are more skilled overall. Especially now that they are allowed to have bank accounts and own land and like ...*read* and stuff.
If no one asked you for advice, DO NOT GIVE ADVICE.
Only give advice when you are asked for it directly.
You are not more logical, more capable, more educated, more intelligent, more socially capable (far and away, obviously), or more reasonable than the average woman.
The sooner you learn this, this sooner we can take you seriously. Remember: you have been told you are naturally a more scientific and rational mind because you are male. The opposite is true. You don't realize how you look or how big of a fool you're making of yourself.
To improve yourself, you must want it. No one can do it for you.
You are a loser and no one invited you to VIP. You make it clear when you write.
If no one asked you for advice, DO NOT GIVE ADVICE. Do not mansplain.
Only give advice when you are asked for it directly.
You are not more logical, more capable, more educated, more intelligent, more socially capable (far and away, obviously), or more reasonable than the average woman.
The sooner you learn this, this sooner we can take you seriously. Remember: you have been told you are naturally a more scientific and rational mind because you are male. The opposite is true. You don't realize how you look or how big of a fool you're making of yourself.
To improve yourself, you must want it. No one can do it for you.
Hey don’t knock Alec - he wants to believe that the 20-year old girls can look past his 60-year old wrinkled face and see the sexy value of photography lessons that he can offer.
There’s a less-intense version of this in Vegas too. And you don’t even need to be really hot. You can just be youngish and hotish. As long as you’re alone or with other women you can get into clubs and concerts drink and eat all for free. I had no idea until I showed up without a man. Keep your wits about you. Trust your gut. I had a good experience.
Yikes. Thank GOD I was young in the 1980's & early 90's, when you didn't have to be "hot", or rich, to enjoy the best/most creative nightlife. The in demand nightlife was always by/for creative people, inexpensive, and inclusive (mostly). In fact, the "rich person" clubs were all considered lame, and investment bankers wouldn't get past the velvet rope at the really "cool" places.
Good to hear! And of course there will always be great alternative nightlife. Those days of the 80's & early 90's where amazing nightlife was supported and also covered by popular media may be gone, but for those who care I'm sure they can still find it.
Those clubs are still lame. It’s just that social media and the rise of real estate prices (ie commercial rents) mean that everyone caters to the experiences of that wealth level. But also, investment bankers were the dudes dropping money for bottle service even in the 80’s, they absolutely were getting past the velvet rope at those places.
Of course they are! LOL. It's just that the nightlife zeitgeist has shifted from the 1980's style experience to the current situation - probably, as you say, a result of "social media and the rise of real estate prices (ie commercial rents) mean that everyone caters to the experiences of that wealth level".
I'm sure there are (still) plenty of opportunities for an "alternative" nightlife" experience - and that's great.
But let's get a couple of things straight:
- I used to frequent some of the the most "fashionable" nightlife scenes/places circa 1980's & early 90's (internationally), and I NEVER (ever) was in a club that had a "bottle service" - in fact, towards the late 80's and into the 90's, Ecstasy (MDMA) meant that many people didn't drink alcohol at all. This weird inflation of cost of alcohol as a status symbol simply did not exist back then, as far as my experience.
- People went out for the music. In the 1980's & early 90's, we didn't have access to infinite music via the internet. If we were fans of new music, we had to pay attention, go to the record store, and go to clubs to hear DJs/bands paying new music that wasn't being played on top 40 radio. Punk rock wasn't played on the radio. Hip-Hop wasn't played on the radio. New Order wasn't played on the radio. House music wasn't played on the radio. The creators of this music weren't "hot" or rich, and neither were the fans. This is fundamental - and something that might be hard to understand for people younger than Millennials - the music was MUCH more important re nightlife. It wasn't just a soundtrack, it was the *reason* people went out.
- The BEST nightlife was important for all of the above ^^^. Yes, there were plenty of hot people, and some wealthy people, but that wasn't the ultimate draw or a reason for that "night life". For lack of a better word a "scene" was what was important, and that's what, at the time, made things vital & probably more inclusive than what this article describes.
PERSONAL ANECDOTE: In the mid 1980's I used to frequent a club night in London called "Taboo". This was Leigh Bowery's (now a fashion and artistic icon) club. At that time it was probably the hottest & most fashionable club in London (and maybe the world). Leigh, at the time, lived in a council estate (public housing). Entrance to the club was (I think?) about 5 pounds. No "bottle service". One night, Andrew Ridgeley, of Wham, drunk and belligerent, was thrown out of the club as "Careless Whisper", his bands track, was being played by the DJ. This was semi-symbolic at the time, to show how status/wealth/looks DID NOT matter at the time vs not being an asshole. LOL!
Haha! Yeah. He does seem like an OK guy. Also, "Careless Whisper" being played at Taboo does seem to contradict my argument that people went out to clubs in the 80's to discover & enjoy cutting edge music that wasn't available via top 40 radio- but then again, the music at Taboo was never very good. It was mostly about seeing what kind of outrageous get up Bowery and his entourage would be wearing, and soaking up some of that general London trendy vibe. Of course a year or two later it was all shifted around via house/acid music, and then nobody cared about what kind of clothing anyone wore.
such a great description of the 80s and 90s club scene! It was an incredible time. Even in Minneapolis, where I lived, we had incredible DJs and dancing. It was very much as you describe, people went out for the music and the scene. I’m so glad I got to experience it for myself.
I used to go out dancing every week, starting with all ages nights on Sundays when I was 16. No drinking, just lots of water and dancing it all out of my pores.
We’re not talking about those lame clubs where money and “fancy” are supposed to be the substitute for fun and interesting. We are talking about the places that are badass. Those sharks in suits don’t even come around unless they are invited there by someone who is far cooler and hip to the real scene. I’ve shown wealthy men this stuff. They look around and sort of shrink into themselves and then afterward have this big ego damage hangover they try to take out on you. Pathetic. Holes for souls, and they are envious of us. Pretty externally validating when you think about it.
There’s more power and meaningfully interesting time to be had in the private salons of people extremely connected to all of the business, art, sports, and political scenes than any of the “badass” clubs you’re talking about. “Far cooler” and “hip to the ‘real’ scene” just scream pretentious, boring and preening dicks to me, and I’m someone comfortable in any room. If your life is “the scene” and looking cool in the nightlife - itself this artificial sexual fantasy construct - you don’t actually have a life.
If men stopped simping the economy would collapse overnight.
This will never happen haha
A good chunk of women sure are trying to make it happen.
What is the motivation of those women? to make what happen?
A good chunk of women are trying to make heterosexuality some kind of perversion and are purposefully making themselves hideous in every way to sabotage traditional sexuality because of new wave feminism and the not so secret belief that all heterosexual sex is rape.
Good chunk? All heresay based on a few memes and articles, I'm sure you believe in the lochness monster too.
Sasquatch, certainly. Saw him when I was a kid.
the society that emerged would be healthier for all parties.
It would take the same form.
The system is setup to always bankroll the simps. They're good boys so the system favors them.
The problem here is from the people that control money itself.
Most men are figuring things out. The Birth Rate Crisis, lack of relationships and marriages is proof positive of this.
They’re not simping they are trying to impress other men 😳
you get it 🎯🎯
This has always been true
Berlin here. we somehow still have an economy. though it largely depends on gay / queer men and non-binary people instead :-)
It’s called tricking. Simping is a little different
It wouldn't collapse. The government would just change the tax rate. In practices taxes are effectively "forced simping" since men are on average net payers.
Men would need a strong moral foundation for that. Society is getting less religious and accepting all forms of behavior it seems that won’t happen
No, the economy was created by and for men. Believe it or not, men have more to lose if it collapsed because they invest a disproportionate amount of resources in it
Agreed lol
Interesting, but not new. The expectation that there would be a load of young women to entertain and be entertained by was one of the perks of being a noble or "lady-in-waiting" in medieval times. Courts were packed with debutantes, whose perceived role was to learn and serve, but in among other things it was a party circuit for the noblemen, where the exact same type of behaviours went on as you describe - chivalry dictated that the interactions were supposed to be chaste, but hunting, drinking and dancing were part of the deal.
Of course, this was how most up and coming gentry girls secured noblemen husbands, but the strictly "hot girl in a party" setup was expected too, where fun was to be had.
Ultimately, where there are young rich men wanting to spend money, young hot women will be supplied to them.
My friends & I did this once in Vegas, in our twenties. Waiting to get into a mid-tier nightclub, the guy at the door looked us up & down and said “Do you girls wanna drink for free tonight?”
We were young, broke (it was the last night of our trip lol) and, admittedly, flattered — we said yes. We were led to a roped-off seating area where a group of five or six British men in their mid to late 30s waited. They were friendly and fun and honestly very respectful. One was in love with my friend and tried to convince her to stay longer, saying he would pay for her to change her flight. She declined. We did, indeed, drink for free. All night.
The only super gross part was when we needed to go to the bathroom, a bouncer walked us there…waited for us…and then walked us back to the roped-off area. Apparently we were not allowed to just wander off and have fun in the general club. Drinking for free meant we were property of the nightclub. Even at the time, I thought it was weird and off-putting.
"Drinking for free meant we were property of the nightclub. Even at the time, I thought it was weird and off-putting."
Then you should have left and paid for drinks yourselves. Free drinks came with a cost.
That was the entire point of my story but thanks sir
Ive never made it past the velvet rope at a night club and no guy has bought me a drink, ever.
I want to see an expose on the ugly girl economy. Seriously.
the people replying to you are unimaginative. Ugly girls go to MTG tournaments or other spaces where the limited amount of women makes us much more competitive and desirable. Eg, an ugly girl who goes to 2600 meetups can easily date a man making over 100k a year and get him to fall in love and marry her. Or girls who live near army bases, etc, there’s a million strategies.
btw i mean 2600 the hacker magazine not two thousand six hundred different meetups lol
thank you for clarifying this, I was truly stunned
Heh, the proximity to military base thing is so true. Dudes will marry the first piece of tail they fall into, if they can't bag a stripper (also a bad idea).
Only if they're interested in those things (or unusually directly pragmatic about just finding SOME male partner). In my experience, most women (regardless of how they look) just aren't interested in nerdy men stuff on any level, and even if they wanted to persue it as a strategy, tend to feel intimidated just wandering alone into men's spaces to try and form one, especially when there do still exist boys and men who will try to gatekeep it.
almost every nerdy male space has women like this, it’s very common. it’s not about finding SOME male partner, by doing this, you basically get access to the best man in that space very easily. usually there’s only one woman and she’s fiercely against any other woman being in the space.
I actually did a paper in college once how nerd shops probably don't intend this, but they are spaces that specifically look unwelcoming to women. Stores that signal "women are welcome here" pay at least a little attention to aesthetics. Comic book/Warhammer/MTG shops overwhelmingly have white walls, fluorescent lighting, ugly folding tables and chairs, exposed ventilation pipes, and black or white shelving for displaying the goods. This is true even in other countries (I make a point when traveling to visit a shop for a couple foreign booster packs). The most welcoming MTG shop I ever went in had almost all these features, but they had teal accents on their walls and it is amazing what a big difference that made.
I guess in theory there are male nerds gatekeeping female nerds from nerd activities, but I sure haven't met any in person. Mostly what I've experienced is the feeling that I'm an exotic bird that the men in the shop are desperately trying to not scare away but they don't know what might offend me so they stay completely silent and give me furtive looks.
It depends on how ugly tbh. Like "plain Jane" or "plain Jane +10-20lbs" yeah sure. Being 50-100lbs overweight and smelly or looking like the rear end of a horse 🐴 .... Hell no.
you say this as if “ugly” and “nerdy” men aren’t still men at the end of the day. sometimes the ugly nerdy guys at the 2600 meetups are much more critical of women’s appearances than a club promoter lol
This would involve employee theft stories while working at Dollar General.
“Dollar Store Bottle Service” takes on a whole new meaning.
Sadly I think so. Unattractive women aren’t paid to be unattractive as such. My guess is you’d find them in dollar stores, gas stations, convalescent homes, the pound (as opposed to one of those pet hotels), etc.
Same
Open up tinder. Sneaky link comes over. Man walks out in shame. Repeat 100+ times. Go to work. Argue with parents (that she rents her room from).
Was in the New York nightlife scene for about 5 years, it was fun in college and while being broke at your first job, met some of my best friends and have enough crazy stories for a lifetime. Still know plenty of people in the scene but realized for myself that I felt like I was selling my soul a bit. Part of the deal in just having to sit around and look pretty is keeping your mouth shut and acting stupid. Eventually, no amount of free champagne can make you forget you’re around terrible company
I've lived in NYC for over 40 years, how do I get into night life if I cant afford it. No guy has ever bought me a drink
Indeed. There needs to be a snappy saying/term for the tradeoff of hanging out with lame people in exchange free dinners/drinks/drugs.
What about “Dull for the Pull” or “Bore for More”
It’s amazing how much of a celebrity a hot young girl is. The ultimate form of privilege. To get something similar as a man you would have to be a famous actor or rock star. A way more difficult endeavor than “don’t get fat”. I guess the only downside is the age timer.
And the psychological costs. Imagine what happens to your psychology when the world bends over backwards for you b/c of nothing you did (winning the genetic lottery). And when that starts to fade, what that feels like.
I think it’s like the “resource curse” of countries, but for people: there’s some element of important struggle necessary, which gets harder to make up later in life.
That's a really great analogy. As a 31 y/o man suddenly finding himself shooting up the mate value ladder, meeting women my age on the opposite trajectory and struggling to deal with the mental aspect of it is very common and saddening.
I originally wrote out a reply, "33 myself and experiencing lots of the same. I'll admit, I was a late bloomer with my share of rejections; it's tempting to give in to schadenfreude. But if I'm honest with myself.. were I a hot woman, I'd be no different. Empathy for their struggle is a better course of action."
And then I thought, "Maybe a beautiful woman's experience of dealing with the loss of beauty once taken for granted is the same necessary struggle to build character, just a little later in life."
Maybe the resource curse isn't such a curse after all; just a different way of getting the struggle necessary for growth.
Perhaps this explains why old people are generally wise and humble, regardless of where they come from: life tests us all eventually, and we usually overcome and grow.
Like Brendan Ross above, I disagree that it is “because of nothing you did”. If your parents were different people, you wouldn’t be you, you’d be someone else. You don’t “just happen to be” born with any given attribute, whether that is beauty or anything else; it is part of your very nature.
Other than that, I agree with your remaining points, on the unpreparedness for its possible fading (especially if proper care is not taken) and on the analogy with a national “resource curse”, which I think is a very good one.
If your parents were different people, you wouldn’t be you, you’d be someone else
Yep definitely agree!
You don’t “just happen to be” born with any given attribute, whether that is beauty or anything else; it is part of your very nature.
It strikes me that both can be true. That we aren’t us without the random chance that made us who we are, yet those things don’t actually provide meaning for us. The same way the resource curse is a curse.
Naval Ravikant says, “Your real resume is just a catalog of all your suffering… Anything you’re given doesn’t matter. You have to do hard things to create your own meaning in life.”
This seems to me an effective explanation of the concept.
I used to think that way too, when I was much younger. But I have revised my opinion. The fact that you do something productive in response to a challenging situation is itself a reflection of your innate qualities. In the quotation you provided above, I’d dispute the phrase “anything you’re given”. Of course, it feels like a gift, but in reality it is not given to you as such, it is an inseparable part of you.
I think the equivalence here as a man is being born in an ultra-rich family. You walk around with the privilege that isn’t earned by your own merits and hard to hide.
Having money doesn’t automatically open doors for you and make people want to hang out with you. It helps a lot but a hot young girl is going to turn everyone’s head the second she walks in the door just like a famous person. A rich kid has to prove he’s rich before people will notice and even then a lot of people won’t care.
The “don’t get fat” is definitely the doable part of the endeavor, which in any case is not exclusive, as the rockstar astronaut celebrity rich successful man has (and should) do too.
However, hitting the jackpot by being born with the looks can’t be gained through merit. It can only not be not put to waste
It’s merit in the same way that being born to highly educated parents who pass on not only their intellect, but their work habits, discipline and ambition. In both cases it’s raw materials plus discipline/habits to capitalize on said raw materials, although we tend to see accomplishments related to applying one’s brain as “merit”, while we see accomplishments related to applying one’s beauty as less so. To me, it’s just what “meritocracy” is: raw advantage plus discipline/work/habits.
It got me some extra time to get this: the discipline/work/habits of „meritocracy“ has just as much genetic base than the rest of it, the IQ, the looks. Plus epigenetics to steer the ship into good or bad waters…
The male equivalent was being recruited as a high caliber D1 college football or basketball player prior to NIL.
The rules made it illegal to simply pay them, so boosters w money did all kinds of unseemly stuff to keep them around.
And then poof at 21 you either made a career of it, or it ended.
The age timer IS the downside. And it's a rough one. Women have a superabundance of beauty for a narrow window of time. And then it's gone. We are in a new world now, with foolproof birth control and good jobs for all.
I have to say this is such a good article because you're not beating us over the head with the point. This is a genuinely fantastic display of what Substack should be, I have something to learn from your writing
that’s so kind! i appreciate it
Model-turned-sociologist Ashley Mears writes about this in her 2020 book, Very Important People.
I learned about her work from her interview with Tyler Cowen:
https://conversationswithtyler.com/episodes/ashley-mears/
I was about to quote the book. I did find it interesting how she consistently pointed out the race of every non-white person involved in her narrative.
Well yeah race is a pretty big deal in sociology
It’s amazing how many industries would go bankrupt if they weren’t fueled by men trying to impress women
This is the entirety of civilization. Men competing with each other to impress women.
it’s me i’m Molly :)
Oh my god it’s THE Molly
Can I have $5?
I do think the author here is naive about the dangers. Many of these men are not “nice.”These women can never leave a drink unattended. It is exactly these kind of women who are preyed upon by super-predators like the Alexander brothers. https://www.justice.gov/usao-sdny/pr/alon-alexander-oren-alexander-and-tal-alexander-charged-manhattan-federal-court-sex
As someone who hates clubbing, uncomfortable clothes and having to pretend to be interested in boring men, none of this sounds like a perk. This sounds like my own personal hell.
It's a good way to discover a trophy wife. The women who prioritize money and status would stay in this game and likely settle with a boring rich guy.
Seems like such a waste of time. Did any of those party girls actually manage to “leverage the exclusive networks” or is that all just cope?
It takes a very rare person, let alone woman, to be some super-Machiavellian thinker at the age of 18-25 when the goal is much more likely to be “get drunk / high, hook up maybe, and then go back to class”.
They're adults.
Legally sure, but frankly to expect something out of someone naive and coddled is either setting them up for failure or some stupid libertarian take. Most people aren’t fully adults today until later on.
Many do get married (or did, I'm not on the current circuits). They can find at the very least boyfriends who will teach them some valuable industry or another. Social commerce has ever been part of the human condition. The failures: too much partying will destroy anyone, male or female. To do well in this networking one has to have some self-restraint and some bigger goals.
If you have those, making connections while having fun is a good way to live.
"Teach them some valuable industry"
Got to love how crusty old dudes assume attractive (subjective!) young women are not intelligent and highly skilled or talented in an industry. Makes them feel better about themselves.
Dudes assume a beautiful woman is stupid until she opens her mouth and then they look shocked and lost as she steals the show. It is so incredibly satisfying.
My point applies to both men and women. Both can benefit from mentors, either a little further advanced in the same pursuit or very well-connected. One can of course be anti-social, angry and anti-fun and do it the hard way. That can work too.
Incidentally, there's no reason the women can't network with other women at these parties. This idea that anyone here assumes beautiful women lack intelligence is nonsense. Many beautiful women do become lazy, as so much comes to them so easily with just the slightest modicum of effort, even good grades. Don't be lazy!
Again, don't be lazy applies equally to men. There are spoiled Adonis types out there too.
Party on…and work as hard as you play.
Hold the phone, calm down. *You* do not get invited to be one of the men at VIP. Nor are you even at the level of the women who get invited. You are socially beneath them *all*, sweetheart.
Cringe-ingly arrogant of you to assume the women are lazy. They're not lazy; you're just clueless.
Again, the women being invited to VIP are ACCOMPLISHED and highly INTELLIGENT, HARDWORKING women. *More accomplished than you are.* It's just convenient for you to say that you are a loser just because you are not a beautiful woman. When beautiful women are graded MORE HARSHLY in school overall. Envy is a nasty and unjust thing.
The money-ed scum look specifically for that, because ruling over that is a bigger accomplishment than doing it to someone less intelligent or lazy, like you. And yes, men would have invited you if you had enough money. They don't invite you, because you are relatively poor.
"They can find at the very least boyfriends who will teach them some valuable industry or another"
While hilarious, that's just male delusion, bud. Women are more skilled overall. Especially now that they are allowed to have bank accounts and own land and like ...*read* and stuff.
If no one asked you for advice, DO NOT GIVE ADVICE.
Only give advice when you are asked for it directly.
You are not more logical, more capable, more educated, more intelligent, more socially capable (far and away, obviously), or more reasonable than the average woman.
The sooner you learn this, this sooner we can take you seriously. Remember: you have been told you are naturally a more scientific and rational mind because you are male. The opposite is true. You don't realize how you look or how big of a fool you're making of yourself.
To improve yourself, you must want it. No one can do it for you.
Speak for yourself. I stand by my comments.
Cool story bro.
You are a loser and no one invited you to VIP. You make it clear when you write.
If no one asked you for advice, DO NOT GIVE ADVICE. Do not mansplain.
Only give advice when you are asked for it directly.
You are not more logical, more capable, more educated, more intelligent, more socially capable (far and away, obviously), or more reasonable than the average woman.
The sooner you learn this, this sooner we can take you seriously. Remember: you have been told you are naturally a more scientific and rational mind because you are male. The opposite is true. You don't realize how you look or how big of a fool you're making of yourself.
To improve yourself, you must want it. No one can do it for you.
Hey don’t knock Alec - he wants to believe that the 20-year old girls can look past his 60-year old wrinkled face and see the sexy value of photography lessons that he can offer.
Hey Iko. 1. I don't have wrinkles. 2. I'm not on the party circuit.
My advice is for the current crowd, whose age range should be 19 to 48 on low end and the high end.
There’s a less-intense version of this in Vegas too. And you don’t even need to be really hot. You can just be youngish and hotish. As long as you’re alone or with other women you can get into clubs and concerts drink and eat all for free. I had no idea until I showed up without a man. Keep your wits about you. Trust your gut. I had a good experience.
Yikes. Thank GOD I was young in the 1980's & early 90's, when you didn't have to be "hot", or rich, to enjoy the best/most creative nightlife. The in demand nightlife was always by/for creative people, inexpensive, and inclusive (mostly). In fact, the "rich person" clubs were all considered lame, and investment bankers wouldn't get past the velvet rope at the really "cool" places.
It still exists but you wont find it through a promoter, newspaper article, or some viral video (as things should be).
Good to hear! And of course there will always be great alternative nightlife. Those days of the 80's & early 90's where amazing nightlife was supported and also covered by popular media may be gone, but for those who care I'm sure they can still find it.
Those clubs are still lame. It’s just that social media and the rise of real estate prices (ie commercial rents) mean that everyone caters to the experiences of that wealth level. But also, investment bankers were the dudes dropping money for bottle service even in the 80’s, they absolutely were getting past the velvet rope at those places.
"Those clubs are still lame."
Of course they are! LOL. It's just that the nightlife zeitgeist has shifted from the 1980's style experience to the current situation - probably, as you say, a result of "social media and the rise of real estate prices (ie commercial rents) mean that everyone caters to the experiences of that wealth level".
I'm sure there are (still) plenty of opportunities for an "alternative" nightlife" experience - and that's great.
But let's get a couple of things straight:
- I used to frequent some of the the most "fashionable" nightlife scenes/places circa 1980's & early 90's (internationally), and I NEVER (ever) was in a club that had a "bottle service" - in fact, towards the late 80's and into the 90's, Ecstasy (MDMA) meant that many people didn't drink alcohol at all. This weird inflation of cost of alcohol as a status symbol simply did not exist back then, as far as my experience.
- People went out for the music. In the 1980's & early 90's, we didn't have access to infinite music via the internet. If we were fans of new music, we had to pay attention, go to the record store, and go to clubs to hear DJs/bands paying new music that wasn't being played on top 40 radio. Punk rock wasn't played on the radio. Hip-Hop wasn't played on the radio. New Order wasn't played on the radio. House music wasn't played on the radio. The creators of this music weren't "hot" or rich, and neither were the fans. This is fundamental - and something that might be hard to understand for people younger than Millennials - the music was MUCH more important re nightlife. It wasn't just a soundtrack, it was the *reason* people went out.
- The BEST nightlife was important for all of the above ^^^. Yes, there were plenty of hot people, and some wealthy people, but that wasn't the ultimate draw or a reason for that "night life". For lack of a better word a "scene" was what was important, and that's what, at the time, made things vital & probably more inclusive than what this article describes.
PERSONAL ANECDOTE: In the mid 1980's I used to frequent a club night in London called "Taboo". This was Leigh Bowery's (now a fashion and artistic icon) club. At that time it was probably the hottest & most fashionable club in London (and maybe the world). Leigh, at the time, lived in a council estate (public housing). Entrance to the club was (I think?) about 5 pounds. No "bottle service". One night, Andrew Ridgeley, of Wham, drunk and belligerent, was thrown out of the club as "Careless Whisper", his bands track, was being played by the DJ. This was semi-symbolic at the time, to show how status/wealth/looks DID NOT matter at the time vs not being an asshole. LOL!
What a great story! Maybe Andrew was reeling over the breakup of Wham! cause in recent interviews he strikes me as a decent enough guy.
Haha! Yeah. He does seem like an OK guy. Also, "Careless Whisper" being played at Taboo does seem to contradict my argument that people went out to clubs in the 80's to discover & enjoy cutting edge music that wasn't available via top 40 radio- but then again, the music at Taboo was never very good. It was mostly about seeing what kind of outrageous get up Bowery and his entourage would be wearing, and soaking up some of that general London trendy vibe. Of course a year or two later it was all shifted around via house/acid music, and then nobody cared about what kind of clothing anyone wore.
such a great description of the 80s and 90s club scene! It was an incredible time. Even in Minneapolis, where I lived, we had incredible DJs and dancing. It was very much as you describe, people went out for the music and the scene. I’m so glad I got to experience it for myself.
I used to go out dancing every week, starting with all ages nights on Sundays when I was 16. No drinking, just lots of water and dancing it all out of my pores.
We’re not talking about those lame clubs where money and “fancy” are supposed to be the substitute for fun and interesting. We are talking about the places that are badass. Those sharks in suits don’t even come around unless they are invited there by someone who is far cooler and hip to the real scene. I’ve shown wealthy men this stuff. They look around and sort of shrink into themselves and then afterward have this big ego damage hangover they try to take out on you. Pathetic. Holes for souls, and they are envious of us. Pretty externally validating when you think about it.
The misery of the egomoneyman is total.
There’s more power and meaningfully interesting time to be had in the private salons of people extremely connected to all of the business, art, sports, and political scenes than any of the “badass” clubs you’re talking about. “Far cooler” and “hip to the ‘real’ scene” just scream pretentious, boring and preening dicks to me, and I’m someone comfortable in any room. If your life is “the scene” and looking cool in the nightlife - itself this artificial sexual fantasy construct - you don’t actually have a life.
Titanium Burkhas for the Eradication of Coomerism. Inshallah, every trollop will be bonked in the head.
Death to the Sex Havers.